Breakfast at Epiphanies
Only at TNR Online
Post date: 12.07.05
ast week Donald Rumsfeld announced to journalists that he'd experienced a nomenclatural revelation. A question had been haunting the defense secretary: "Why would you call Zarqawi and his people 'insurgents'?" This was giving the insurgents too much credit. "I think of an insurgency slightly different," Rumsfeld explained, sharing his belief that the word insurgency actually harbored positive connotations. Then he added, "It was an epiphany."
Epiphany, indeed--and one that perhaps has failed to garner sufficient admiration. While Americans remember Bill Clinton for having a particularly fluid sense of language--reflections on the word "is," and so forth--many have failed to appreciate the efforts of current executive-branch officials to sustain a sense of continuity in this area. What's more, the Clinton administration boasted only one true master of ontology, the president himself, whereas the Bush administration has a broader range of talent. In fact, the public has, over the years, been treated to a host of word epiphanies from Bush administration officials, most of which have met with indifference or ingratitude. That's why TNR Online has decided to review some of them.
Slog Epiphany
Brainchild of: Donald Rumsfeld
Context: Explaining his leaked memo on war in Iraq that referred to a "long, hard slog."
Epiphany: "The Oxford Dictionary, I'm told by Mark, has a definition of slog ... which is: 'Slog, to hit or strike hard; to drive with blows; to assail violently.' And that's precisely what the U.S. has been doing and intends to continue to do."
Significance: It's very easy to misunderstand the defense secretary, and not just with the word "slog." Remember: "long" means "to pine" or "to yearn for," and "hard" means "firm." In other words, while "long, hard slog" might suggest a lengthy, grueling grind, Rumsfeld could have meant "to yearn for firm drive with blows." This can be easy to miss, however, which is why we should leave classified information to the professionals.
Loop Epiphany
Brainchild of: Condoleezza Rice
Context: Addressing senators' questions about Vice President Cheney's statement that former White House counterterrorism coordinator Richard Clarke "wasn't in the loop."
Epiphany: "I would not use the word 'out of the loop.'"
Significance: The vice president said Clarke "wasn't in the loop" not "out of the loop." It's typical of the liberal media to assume "wasn't in" means "out of," as if a loop doesn't have plenty of no-man's-land on the edge or the bendy part.
Veracity Epiphany
Brainchild of: Donald Rumsfeld
Context: Responding to Senator Bill Nelson's query about WMD in Iraq. Nelson felt that the Bush administration might have failed to inform senators that there was a "dispute in the intelligence community over the veracity of that information."
Epiphany: "I would not use the word 'veracity,' I would use the word 'accuracy.'"
Significance: Bill Nelson obviously failed to think through the nuances of his words. Webster's defines accuracy as "conformity to truth" whereas as veracity is defined as "conformity with truth." If the doubts about pre-war intelligence had hinged on its conformity with truth, of course administration officials would have disclosed it. Alas, the doubts were only about its conformity to truth. And that is hardly the sort of thing that's appropriate to share.
Demotion Epiphany
Brainchild of: Condoleezza Rice
Context: Responding to questions from senators about Richard Clarke's demotion.
Epiphany: "I didn't think of it as demotion. I thought of it as reorganization."
Significance: Opens up the possibility that Rice's pre-9/11 understanding of the terrorist threat shouldn't be thought of as insufficient but, rather, at variance with optimal standards.
Fiscal Epiphany
Brainchild of: Karen Hughes
Context: Commenting on Bush's success in pushing through a $1.3 trillion tax cut.
Epiphany: "The president feels that the American people have suffered a--have seen a victory today."
Significance: Mid-sentence epiphany. Wait--today is a victory. The suffering--that comes tomorrow.
Looting Epiphany
Brainchild of: Donald Rumsfeld
Context: Responding to questions about looting in Baghdad.
Epiphany: "Our folks are operating, to the extent they can, in Baghdad in creating a presence and dissuading people from looting. And for suddenly the biggest problem in the world to be looting is really notable. I believe that's a nice euphemism for what's going on."
Significance: Some epiphanies are too profound to understand.
Torture Epiphany
Brainchild of: George W. Bush
Context: Responding to questions about torture.
Epiphany: "We do not torture."
Significance: Get busy--somebody just ordered another Graner sandwich.
Denial epiphany
Brainchild of: Dick Cheney
Context: Responding to CNBC interviewer Gloria Borger about his statement to Tim Russert on December 9, 2001 that it was "pretty well confirmed" that Mohammed Atta had met with Iraqi intelligence in Prague.
Epiphany: "No, I never said that ... I never said that ... Absolutely not."
Siginificance: Of course I can "un-happen" things. I'm the vice president.
General Epiphany
Brainchild of: Donald Rumsfeld
Context: Being questioned by Senator Ted Kennedy for having said "we know where they are" regarding Iraq's WMD.
Epiphany: "I'm coming to 'We know.' I could be wrong. I'm asked a lot of questions. I use a lot of words."
Significance: Words, shmords.
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