September 17: The phantom Republican donor
Today, we decide to go find the Republicans of San Francisco and figure out what makes them tick. We head to Pacific Heights, where the mansions are. We happen to have a list of big Republican donors taken from the incredibly useful fundrace.org, and one of them who has apparently given $25,000 (Katherine Phillips) happens to be nearby.
We go to 2398 Pacific Ave., which turns out to be a rather junky apartment building—odd for such a big donor. There is a Phillips on the electronic rolodex at the door, but the phone number the thing dials is disconnected. We sneak in the building and knock on her door: no one.
A $25,000 donor who lives in a junky apartment building with a disconnected phone?
A few houses down the street we spot a Bush-Cheney banner. An elderly man very suspiciously opens the door. "Hi, we're from the Bush campaign, we just happened to notice your banner. We're looking for Republicans to advise us what we should do to win over more of the people in this city."
After checking us over extensively he decides we're all right and tells us it's impossible, we'll never win in this filthy town. He's very happy to have met kindred spirits, and tells us all about his family history: his great-grandfather came here during the Gold Rush and owned a gold mine—this here is his house, which is the only reason he lives in this awful city. He refers to such-and-such an oilman who was the one "who made Nixon," whom he met.
Why are there so many liberals in San Francisco? Well, it's the minorities—the liberals have always played them off against each other. Hm.
He tells us the neighbor across the street is a Republican, so we go take a look. This one comes to the door screaming. "My husband is sleeping. I'm voting for Bush. Go away."
Finally, we go to the Presidio to gaze at the Golden Gate Bridge. A jogger spots us with our "Yes, Bush Can!" nametags and comes over excitedly: finally, other Republicans! She speaks to us for 45 minutes; like the old man on Pacific, she's terribly excited to find fellow Republicans.
She turns out to be quite caring, thoughtful, and compassionate, so we ask her what it is about Bush that she likes, policywise.
"He's a good person."
Yes, but his policies?
"Well, he really thinks it all through. He's a good person."
We ask her: if there was one thing you could communicate to liberals so that they would like Bush, what would it be?
"What a good person he is."
Then she compares the Abu Ghraib torture stuff to fraternity hazings. Hunh?
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